I love turtles. What? I do.
In fact, I seem to have had an odd affinity for the little reptiles
since I was a young boy. I even remember my first turtle. It was a box
turtle that I named “Snoopy” (I have no idea why I named him “Snoopy,”
but I did. Give me a break; I was like 5). Actually, to be perfectly
honest, “Snoopy” wasn’t one turtle, but rather a whole string of
turtles that I would catch whenever it would rain. I would keep them
for a day or two and then send them on their way, usually a little
fatter than they were when I caught them.
Some of my fondest memories of my childhood involve turtles. I remember
catching a tiny little stinkpot turtle (Yes, they are very
appropriately named) at a lake by one of my homes. I spent countless
hours at my grandparents’ house, chest-deep in the lake, stalking
painted turtles, red sliders and the goofy looking softshell turtles.
It really didn’t help that my grandparents lived across the street from Lake Loramie State Park.
I think that I must have driven my poor grandmother crazy with all of
the slimy creatures that I brought back to her house. My grandfather,
God rest his soul (He passed away back in August of 2005, after a long
battle with lung cancer), helped me every step of the way, too.
Buckets, containers, bait, whatever I needed. He even went so far as to
make a net just for me so I could catch the little critters even
easier. And thanks to that net, I caught many turtles during my
weeklong visits.
The Softshell Turtle: Nature’s A/V GeekI even have a turtle related memory involving my other grandfather
(On my Mother’s side), although this one isn’t what I’d call a
“happy” memory, per se, but I do remember it fondly nonetheless. My
grandfather, uncle (Who is only about 4 years older than me) and myself
were driving back to my grandparents’ house when my grandfather slammed
on the brakes and rushed out of the car. I had no idea what was going
on, but when I got out of the car, there on the side of the road, was
the biggest, most menacing looking alligator snapper that I have ever
seen to this day. It was 3ft long if it was an inch.
Alligator snapper: Turtle from Hell and horrible traveling companion.If you have never seen an alligator snapping turtle, let me tell you,
they are rather intimidating. Big, mean, and a ridge of spikes running
from his neck to the tip of his tail, this thing looked more like a
dinosaur than a turtle to me. So my grandfather, as anyone would do,
proceeded to pick it up and pop it in the back seat, right above the
trunk. With the monstrous reptile captured, he and my uncle get back in
the car. “What about little 10 year old Derek?” you ask? Well, little
Derek got the privilege of riding in the backseat with this living
fossil from Hell all the way back to my grandparent’s place. The turtle
was obviously quite pissed off with the situation he found himself in
and spent the entire ride home hissing and snapping like a possessed
cat.
Somehow even that experience couldn’t end my fondness for turtles. Not
even the fact that the turtle in question later ended up a quivering
mass of meat, twitching in my grandfather’s refrigerator, could dampen
my love of turtles.
We then have all of the fictional turtles during my childhood. First
and foremost being, of course, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I
loved the Ninja Turtles with a passion. I had the action figures (I
mean EVERY action figure), the movies, the comics, and the videogames.
You name it; I had it. I am slightly ashamed to admit it now, but I
even had the Ninja Turtles movie soundtrack, which I listened to ad
nauseam, until (mercifully) the tape broke.
The Ninja Turtles: Scourge of my parents’ bank account from 1988-1991The Ninja Turtles really hit big around the time that I was entering
the first grade. The entire school day was spent either discussing “The
Turtles,” drawing “The
Turtles,” or playing “Turtles” during recess. We
even had our own specific characters. I was always Michelangelo
(Luckily, there were only four of us, and we all liked different
turtles, or it could have been ugly).
Fortunately for my parents (And their wallets), my love affair with
the Ninja Turtles eventually died out, but, as you have probably
already guessed, it was not the end of my love of turtles. No, it was
just a matter of time until a turtle would once again come to dominate
my free time. This turtle also, I believe, helped lead to my love of
B-movies today.
One evening, I was watching television, when I stumbled upon a
monster movie. Being a typical boy, I was always up for a good monster
bash, so I decided to watch. A few minutes into my viewing, however, I
noticed something odd. There were little silhouettes at the bottom of
the screen, and they were talking during the movie. They were actually
making fun of the movie! I had never seen anything like this, so I kept
watching. Unfortunately I caught this episode at the tail end, so I was
only able to watch a few minutes of this show, but I was instantly
hooked. Luckily for me, the TV Guide showed that there was another
episode airing at midnight that night. Well, I obviously had to watch
the whole thing this time, so I waited until everyone was in bed, and I
snuck downstairs and grabbed a tape to record this show, just in case I
couldn’t stay up through the whole thing.
Here we see Gamera playing his theme song on Zigra’s back. No, I’m not kidding.As you have probably guessed by now, this show was Mystery Science
Theater 3000, a show that I still regularly watch to this day. What
episode did I record? Well, it happened to star a 200 ft tall, flying,
fire-breathing turtle named Gamera. I instantly fell in love with this
character and I watched that tape whenever I could get control of the
TV (We only had 1 TV and 1 VCR back then. Back in my day kids didn’t
have VCR’s and blah, blah, blah…).
Needless to say my love of Gamera continues to this day. He is far and
away my favorite kaiju. So, in honor of my favorite fire-breathing
turtle, I thought that I would share with you a brief history of
Gamera…
-Derek Miller
3/9/06
The "Showa" Era (1965-1980)
The "Heisei" Era (1995-1999)
