You can find this movie under the following titles: GAMMERA THE
INVINCIBLE, GAMERA, GIANT MONSTER GAMERA, and it's original Japanese
title DAIKAIJU GAMERA.
1965 B&W 86 min
Starring: Brian Donlevy, Albert Dekker, Diane Findlay, John Baragrey,
Dick O’Neill, Eiji Funakoshi, Michiko Suguta, and Harumi Kiritachi.
Directed by: Noriaki Yuasa
The extra “M” is for macaroni…I think.
This is the movie that started it all.
The beginning of my favorite “Kaiju” series (That’s Japanese monster
films for those of you who aren’t complete geeks like I am). This
review will be for the chopped up Americanized version of the film, as
this is the only version that I currently have in my possession. It is
a different dubbing than the MST3k version that many of you may be
familiar with. Now on with the review.
The movie starts with the sweet sounds of The
Moons aptly titled song, “Gammera” blaring over the opening shot.
Quickly into this film, you’ll probably notice the special effects that
are the trademark of the original “Showa“ series of Gamera films.
Obvious models and toy vehicles are easily spotted. They’re quite easy
to make fun of, but I find them charming. After the song, we meet up
with a group of explorers in the Artic. They are visiting an Eskimo
village when a formation of planes buzz overhead. Apparently, they are
Russian fighters. What they are doing there is unclear.
“What’s that? Bert I. Gordon is filming 3 movies this week and he needs a general? I’ll be right over!!!”
We get our first introduction to the American
scenes when we jump to the Alaskan Air Defense facility. On the whole,
these scenes are horribly acted and add nothing to the story, but they
are a lot of fun to riff on. In this scene we’re introduced to a couple
of lecherous military men in desperate need of a three day pass. These
guys spend the entirety of their screen time hitting on a secretary
named Susan. After news comes in about the Russian fighters the general
(Dick O’Neill, who I believe played a general in every movie that was
made between 1950 and 1970) scrambles fighters with the orders to
escort the Russians to the base or, if they should refuse, shoot them
out of the sky. General O’Neill (clever name, huh?) then receives a
call from the President who declares red alert.
Meanwhile, back in the sky, the American
fighters try to make contact with the Russian jets, but get no verbal
response. Instead the Russians open fire with rear-mounted missiles
(cool, huh?). The Americans respond in kind, blowing those Commie
bastards out of the sky. Unfortunately, the Russian jet was carrying a
nuke, which detonates upon impact. Now, you would think this would kill
the expedition and villagers on the ground, or at least melt the ice,
but, then again, maybe I’m thinking too much. This is a Gamera movie
after all.
At the crash site, the ice gives way, and out
pops my favorite 200 ft. tall turtle. That’s right, it’s Gamera baby!
Apparently the credits were also trapped under the ice, as they spring
forth, as well. After the credits finish, we cut back to General
O’Neill on the phone explaining the current situation to the President.
It is decided that the Russians had no evil intent, and just
accidentally flew off course (Well, what in the Hell were they carrying
Nukes for? Am I crazy?!?).
Back at the village, the expedition decides
that its time to pack up and leave. I guess the nuclear blast killed
the mood. As they are preparing to leave, they are stopped by the
village elder (I suppose) who gives them an ancient rock carving
depicting death, destruction, and Gamera (not my Gamera!). The chief
goes on to explain that Gamera is evil and very frightening. Gamera
seems to be a well known legend in this village, as the mere mention of
his name sends the children (and dogs) scurrying home.
Eskimo Bob walks in on Gamera during a, shall we say, intimate moment.
We meet up with our boat expedition just in
time to see Gamera to smashing it to bits and lighting it ablaze with
his flame breath. Yeah, he’ll do that. Be sure to watch for the people
fleeing the boat. If you look closely, you’ll notice that the people
running away are animated. It’s actually rather disturbing to watch the
little things run. Anyway, back at the base, reports come in about the
ship and a giant turtle. Obviously Gen. O’Neill scoffs at the idea, but
newspapers around the world get hold of the story and headlines pour in
from all corners of the globe. We are even treated to a television
debate featuring two experts with differing opinions on the subject of
Gamera. These “experts” disagree vigorously on this matter. Eventually,
these two respectable, educated men, resort to childish name calling
and the situation breaks down to the point that our moderator, Mr.
Standish, must separate the two men. They even get a shot in at Japan,
with one of the experts referring to the other’s degree as having “Made
in Japan” written on it. Now I realize that “Made in Japan” doesn’t
seem like at insult nowadays, but I assure you, at one time, it was.
This scene is easily the most entertaining of the American scenes. The
“Shakespeare in the Park” acting and the absurdity of the argument
itself, make this a thoroughly enjoyable scene. Not for the reasons
they intended, I assume, but entertaining nonetheless.
Am I reading that right? Does that really say “Giant Turtle Baloney?”
While returning to Japan, the members of the
expedition are discussing the recent reports of flying saucers. The
doctor believes that there is a connection between the ship sinking,
the saucers, and Gammera. The doctor also believes that Gammera could
be real. Back in Washington, the same possibilities are being debated.
The typical “acting” takes place here again, as they try to decide what
to do with Gammera, if he exists. In the end, it ends up being a
typical government meeting, in that basically nothing is accomplished.
Back in Japan, we meet Ms. Sakurai, who is
getting a visit from her brother’s teacher. Apparently her brother,
Toshio, has been spending his entire school day drawing turtles. Toshio
is seemingly obsessed with the little green buggers. So much so that it
is interfering with his schoolwork. We learn that Toshio is a lonely
little boy with no friends, who spends his days at home with his pet
turtle. Toshio’s father decides that he must release his turtle so
Toshio can make some human friends. Eventually Toshio is convinced to let
his little pal go. Shortly after he releases the little guy, Gammera
decides to poke his head over the hill and scare the jeepers out of the
tiny turtle lover.
Toshio runs home and tells his family that
Gammera is here. Afterwards he buggers back off to the family’s
lighthouse (trying to get a better look, I suppose). Gammera, not
seeing him, begins to smash the lighthouse, which leaves poor little
Toshio hanging precariously from the lighthouse, holding on for dear
life. When he begins to fall, Gammera reaches out, catches the little
brat and lowers him to safety. I guess Toshio must’ve earned a special
place in Gammy’s heart when he witnessed him releasing his pet turtle.
“Alright, let me get this straight. I take 125 over to 275 and get off at the Cincinnati exit?”
Dr. Hidaka, now back in Japan, receives a call
from Professor Murase. He meets Murase and is briefed on Gammera’s
actions. The two discuss ways of stopping the giant reptile. They
devise a plan to shock the bejesus outta Gammera using the output from
the geothermal power plant. Obviously it’s too early in the film for
this to work, and, predictably, the plan fails. In response, the JSDF
decides to unleash a flurry of missiles upon the terrible terrapin.
This backfires however, as all the attack accomplishes to do is destroy
the power plant. Victorious, Gammera ingests the fire surrounding him
and grows even stronger...uh, oops.
Professor Murase (Who resembles a Japanese
version of Colonel Sanders) decides that Gammera’s metabolism is much
different from ours (No shit, Sherlock). He concludes that Gammera may
have silicone or metallic particles in his cell tissue in place of
carbon, allowing him to ingest fire and stuff. I’m not sure if this is
scientifically sound, but I think it’s good enough for a movie starring
a 200ft tall, fire breathing turtle.
In the meantime, the JSDF continues it’s
constant barrage on the big guy, which does little more than piss him
off immensely. The general decides to ask the US government for use of
our nukes. We agree to give Japan access of our nuclear arsenal to stop
Gammera. The US also contacts the UN and calls for an emergency world
meeting. The UN, in turn, issues numerous resolutions against Gammera,
insisting that fire safety inspectors are allowed complete access to
Gammera. When the resolutions fail, France pleads with the US
government to give sanctions more time…Alright, I made that up, but I’m
fairly certain that the events would unfold something like that.
Hi Mom!!!
As the US is about to drop the hammer on
Gammera, Dr. Hidaka comes up with an idea to freeze the turtle with
“freezer bombs.” There is one drawback to using the bombs however. They
are only effective for 10 minutes. In that time they plan to plant TNT
all around the turtle and destroy him for good. They’ve apparently
forgotten that he’s invulnerable to fire. Everything goes according to
plan, and Gammera is blasted down a hill. Gammera lands on his back,
and is thought to be defeated. They conclude that since he is on his
back, he cannot possibly right himself. Apparently none of them have
ever actually seen a turtle, as they can easily flip themselves back
over by using their tail and head (Trust me, I’ve had a bunch of pet
turtles in my lifetime and they right themselves rather quickly).
Gammera, however, has another, more, um, interesting way of righting
himself. He tucks his arms and legs inside his shell and blasts fire
out of every hole (Ouch!), until he actually lifts off of the ground,
spinning like one of those rotating UFO fireworks. Gammera spins off
into the distance and our scientists are back to square one.
Gammera flying away…and the audience reaction to this.
(I kinda had the same reaction myself)
At the UN, the nations of the world are
formulating a plan to rid the planet of the giant shelled menace. They
come up with Plan Z (Plan Z from Outer Space!!! Sorry, couldn't help
myself). The plan, in a nutshell, is to trap our cranky turtle friend
in a giant rocket and blast his ass off of this planet for someone else
to worry about. Predictably, the Soviet ambassador disagrees with the
US on who should be in charge of the mission (Those nutty Soviets…). He
eventually agrees to a joint command between the US and the USSR
(Shouldn’t the Japanese have at least a small part in the command?).
The Japanese ambassador agrees and, as he puts it, “Pran Z issa hope of the worrd.” He’s Japanese, you see.
Toshio and his family visit their uncle in
Tokyo. While there, they stop in on Dr. Hidaka. Toshio asks if Gammera
will return. He explains to Dr. Hidaka that Gammera saved his life, and
that he doesn’t mean to be dangerous, it’s just that he’s so big and
clumsy, that’s all. Toshio believes that Gammera is lonely just like
him, and that he could be trained to be good if people would just be
nice to him. Yeah, I agree, leave the big green lug alone.
The next morning, the ocean tides have
mysteriously reversed directions, causing chaos around the world. Dr.
Hidaka believes that Gammera is responsible for the disturbance (Huh?
What? How in the Hell does a 200 ft. long turtle reverse the Earth’s
tides?). It is decided that since Gammera is nearby, this is the
perfect time to implement Plan Z. Turns out Dr. Hidaka was right about
Gammera being back in Tokyo, as he is later seen crashing into Tokyo
airport’s air traffic control tower (Gammera is still working on that
whole landing thing).
This brings us to an absolutely hilarious
scene. As Gammera crashes into the tower, The Moons’ Gammera theme song
bursts in as we cut to a club where a bunch of teenagers are dancing
and gadding about. Soldiers run in to warn them of Gammera’s presence,
but the teens refuse to leave. One member of the crowd even jumps up
and defiantly states that they should stay here and dance. In a truly
satisfying moment, the giant turtle steps on the dance club, and they
are all thoroughly squashed. Unfortunately I think Gammera must’ve
stubbed his toe, as he then proceeds to smash and torch everything and
everyone in sight. He may be clumsy, but it seems he has quite a temper
as well.
While the town is being evacuated, Toshio
decides to head towards our colossal star, revealing to us the reason
that he has no friends in the process. He’s obviously a total goober.
In the meantime, the military has been sending trains full of fuel to
keep Gammera occupied. Toshio decides to hop aboard one of these trains
to get a closer look at his big green friend. Before Toshio reaches
Gammera, however, he is nabbed by a soldier as the train explodes.
Unfortunately, Toshio survives the blast. For some reason, instead of
being severely punished, the soldiers simply laugh at him, and he walks
away, with his head down in shame…as he should.
Everything is now set for Plan Z. The military
lays a stream of oil from the ocean to the land, to lure Gammera to the
rocket (A perfectly straight line, in open ocean, with a typhoon headed
their way, I might add). It appears to be working, as Gammera follows
the trail, sucking in fire the whole way. Sadly, the nearby typhoon
hits and extinguishes the fire (Of all the rotten luck!). Everyone is
bummed, except Toshio, of course. All is not lost, however, as Aoyagi
(The news reporter who has been hanging around with Dr. Hidaka) sets
fire to the nearby tents to get Gammera’s attention once again.
Amazingly enough, this works. That is until the rain hits, and
threatens to extinguish this fire, as well. Despite all of their
efforts, the fire is snuffed, but, in an astounding stroke of luck, a
nearby volcano erupts and lures Gammera back yet again (Gammera has got
to be getting tired of this bull-plop by now).
With Gammera exactly where they want him, they
prepare to blast him the Hell off of this planet. A fire is set around
the rocket and Gammera is lured right to it. The Capsule closes around
Gammy, and he is blasted off to Mars (Won’t they be surprised). With
that, the world is saved…and the peasants rejoice. Huzzah!!!
♫♫ Gammera…Gammera…♫♫
Conclusion
All in all, a decent way to start off
the Gamera series. It’s not exactly groundbreaking as far as kaiju
movies go, and certainly not as satisfying as the later trilogy of the
90’s, but it is entertaining enough to keep me interested the entire
way through. It definitely has it’s goofier moments, (Thanks, in part,
to the added American scenes) but it doesn’t come anywhere close to the
goofiness that would come to define the later installments of the
original “Showa” series. I would absolutely recommend this to any fan
of monster movies, or just fans of older movies. This definitely won’t
be the mainstream moviegoers cup of tea, but, if you have an hour to
kill, this is a great way to do so.
Upon closer inspection…
I did find a few things kinda odd about
this movie. Gammera changing the currents of entire oceans, for one.
How a nuclear blast fails to melt ice, or to ignite a war between the
US and the USSR (It was a nuclear incident during the Cold War that
involved a Russian plane shot down by an American jet, right?). But,
for me, the thing that stuck out the most was the enormous proportions
of the rocket which blasted Gammera into space. Take a look at this
picture here…
Now, if Gammera is 200ft tall, we must also
assume that the capsule portion of the rocket is at least the same
height. Remember also, that a portion of the rocket is still
underground in this screenshot, so if the capsule is 200ft long, the
entire rocket is at least 10 times this size judging by this picture.
This makes the rocket 2000+ feet long!!! (The US space shuttle’s
external tank is only roughly 154ft long) This means that not only is
the rocket enormous, but the launch facility must be at least the same
depth as well. Now I’m guessing that this wasn’t a pre-existing
facility so it had to be constructed especially for the purpose of
sending Gammera into space. I don’t know how long it would take to
manufacture a rocket of this size, or how long it would take to
excavate that much earth and construct the underground facility, but
I’m fairly certain that this endeavor would take much longer than the
time given in the movie. I haven’t even mentioned the ludicrous amount
of fuel that it would take to launch this monstrosity out of Earth’s
orbit. Of course I have, at this point, completely overanalyzed a movie
that features a giant flying turtle, so I think I’ll stop right now.
