1998 Color 69min.
Starring: Michael Guerin, Jerry Lentz, Jon Simanton, R.L. McMurry, Teal Merchande, Robert Garcia, Robert J. Ferrelli, Jeff Rector, Jeffery Meyer, Leon W. Grant, David Wall, Deborah Hatch, Stephen Martines (as Colton Scott), Candida Tolentino, Alison Lohman, Anthony Furlong, John Paul Fedele, J.W. Perra, and Steve Blum (uncredited voice).
Directed By: Aaron Osbourne and Dave Parker
It's a question that is almost as old as the genre itself. This single question ignited a battle that has pitted generations of movie nerds against one another. Countless friendships have ended and many families remain divided to this day because of this simple question: Who is the better kaiju, Godzilla or Gamera?
Godzilla fans claim that Gamera is merely a cheap knockoff of Godzilla, a poor man's monster at best. They say the Godzilla films were geared towards a more adult audience and as a result, featured more serious themes and storylines than the kid-friendly antics that defined Gamera. Gamera supporters will counter by pointing out that many of the later Godzilla films also feature the kid-oriented goofiness that Gamera films so often displayed. They will also justifiably point to the 1990's (Heisei Era) Gamera trilogy as arguably the pinnacle of the giant monster genre, which to this day has yet to be matched.
Of course there are other behemoths of the big screen that must be considered. One could make a very convincing argument that since he appeared a good two decades before Godzilla, King Kong is the original kaiju. In fact, according to Ishiro Honda himself, King Kong had a profound influence on him and was his inspiration for Godzilla. With that in mind, I think you would agree that King Kong clearly deserves to be in the discussion, but what about the lesser-known kaiju like Yongary, Rodan, or our subject today, Kraa! The Sea Monster?
He came to Earth for a rousing game of peekaboo.Don't feel too bad if you've never heard of Kraa! (Ignore the exclamation point. That's the way it's spelled in the title and who am I to argue?), he isn't exactly the most well-known of the giant monsters. According to the film, Kraa! is an intergalactic world wrecker for hire. He was hired by Lord Doom (Michael Guerin. Jerry Lentz, voice) to destroy Earth's civilization for reasons that are never quite explained. Hey, if you have a name like Lord Doom, I guess you have to live up to it, right?
“Hey Earl. Have you seen my midget around anywhere?”Standing in this bargain-bin Skeletor's way are the four members of intergalactic police force known as Planet Patrol. Here is a brief summary of the crew:
- Captain Ruric (Colton Scott) - Dimwitted hunky leader
- Lt. Able (Candida Tolentino) - Stereotypical sassy black girl
- Curtis (Alison Lohman) - Hot blond girl
- Garth (Anthony Furlong) - Exceptionally annoying wise guy
Their attempts to thwart Lord Doom's plans are stopped when the vinyl-clad overlord blasts the Planet Patrol's mothership (which strongly resembles the Death Star) with a killshot laser beam thingy, rendering them practically useless for the rest of the film.
With their ship out of action, our less-than-heroic heroes are forced to call upon the services of the nearest Planet Patrol agent, Mogyar (J.W. Perra). Despite being a member of the galaxy's most elite police force, Mogyar is essentially an immobile, semi-aquatic, snail. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt his prowess as an officer. I'm sure he would be very effective if he were assigned to a planet inhabited by sentient hordes of malevolent vegetation. He would no doubt excel at undercover missions involving the complete ruination of a maniacal overlord's backyard tomato garden. Unfortunately he's headed to Earth.
This is Mogyar. He's quite a bit moister than I prefer my heroes. Once on Earth, he meets up with a burly, philosophical biker named Bobby (R.L. McMurry) and a sassy black waitress named Alma (Teal Marchande). Wow, two sassy black women in one film; eat your heart out Oprah. After teaching Mogyar to speak English (he meant to land in Italy but apparently made a wrong turn at Austria before crash-landing in Jersey), Alma and Bobby team up with the little crime-fighting space-mollusk and, with the help of the galaxy's fastest laser (it travels 24 light years in about 30 seconds), they are able to defeat Kraa! and save Earth from total annihilation.
Kraa! The Sea Monster is not a very good film, even by the loosened standards of kaiju. The three different storylines (Planet Patrol, Mogyar and friends, and the footage of Kraa! destroying things) never really feel connected. This lack of integration between the different plotlines, coupled with Planet Patrol and Lord Doom's derivative costumes make Kraa! The Sea Monster feel more like an extended episode of Power Rangers than a fully fleshed out giant monster flick.
To be fair, this movie does have a few things going for it. The monster suit does look pretty cool and it has a better range of movement than a lot of other monster suits. Alison Lohman is another bright spot in the film. While she isn't given much to do, she is clearly the closest thing to an actor in this whole affair and to be brutally honest, she isn't half bad to look at either. While Alison Lohman might be a cutie, the highlight of the film is definitely Mogyar. The character is fairly original (Let's just say I've seen a lot of movies and this is the first extraterrestrial paramilitary escargot I have ever encountered) and manages to be genuinely entertaining throughout.
Hey, I think I just found a reason to like this movie.So where does Kraa! rank in the battle of the best kaiju ever? Well, if we are to judge kaiju based on the way they were initially defeated, Kraa! doesn't stack up very well. Godzilla had to be obliterated molecule by molecule, King Kong met his demise when he smacked the New York City pavement, Gamera was blasted off to Mars, and Yongary was killed by an annoying child in hot pants. Seeing how Kraa! was vaporized by what basically amounts to an anthropomorphic entrée, I'd rank him somewhere between King Kong and Yongary. Hey, it could be worse; he could be Zarkorr.
Reviewed by Derek Miller
Posted 11/29/08
Video Clip
Kraa! vs. Godzilla…sort of.
