The Magic Serpent

Japanese Title: Kairyu Daikessen
1966 Color 86min
Starring: Hiroki Matsukata, Tomoko Ogawa, Ryutaro Otomo, Bin Amatsu, and Nobuo Kaneko.
Directed by: Tetsuya Yamauchi

Looks more like The Magic Dragon, or maybe The Magic Reindeer.

The Magic Serpent opens with a group of ninjas assaulting a castle (a fabulous way to start a movie, by the way). A man, Yuki-Daijo, informs the ruler that the attack was an inside job and that he knows who planned it. “It was I!!!” he exclaims and proceeds to kill the Lord. As his wife tries to escape, she is killed by Oraki-maru, Yuki’s right hand man. While the assassination attempt was successful, the heir to the throne, Ikazuki-maru, escapes unharmed. Although our little hero didn’t exactly get off easy, mind you. As the prince is making his escape, a dragon (The Magic Serpent, perhaps?) pops out of the water and attacks the fleeing boat. The dragon smashes the boat to pieces, sending the little boy into the water. Just as the little boy is about to be devoured, a giant eagle swoops down, attacking the dragon, which unleashes a geyser of blood. I’m talking Old Faithful or Evil Dead…I mean lots. With the dragon distracted the eagle swoops down and escapes with little Ikazuki.

Poor little guy. His parents were killed, he was attacked by a dragon, AND he’s balding.

After the opening credits, we meet up with Ikazuki ten years after the attack, and our little hero is a man. An unfortunate man it seems, as he is being attacked by someone who appears to be a Japanese Moses. Actually, it turns out to be his master and they are having a little war game. Ikazuki manages to defeat his Master, and Master he tells him that he has taught him all that he knows and he is ready to go out on his own. He says that Ikazuki will do good things, not like the other (You think Julia Roberts dad had this conversation with her too?). Master explains that he had another student who went on to do bad things (The Eric Roberts of the two, I suppose). Ikazuki doesn’t like the idea of leaving the old man all alone, but does as he’s told and leaves to fetch some herbs for that nights dinner (Hey, a pun. Leaves to get some herbs. Herbs have leaves, get it? HA!) Master then casually offs a ninja spy, and is on his merry way.

Ikazuki is off picking herbs when he is attacked by a group of ninjas (man it’s only 8 min into this thing and we’ve already had like 5 attacks. You can’t say this movie is boring). He then executes an amazing Superman leap into a tree to get a better angle on these nefarious individuals. It seems that they are assassins sent to kill Ikazuki. He quickly disposes of all but one. The remaining ninja throws a boomerang type sword, and cuts off Ikazuki’s head (talk about losing your head…HA! That’s certainly no way to get a-head in life…HAHAHA!!! Boy, he really let that sword go to his head, didn’t he? AHAHahaha!!! More puns. Stop me I’m, too funny…) His head proceeds to float over and land on a nearby log…Listen, I said this movie was weird. Anyway, the ninja, satisfied that he accomplished his goal, walks over to examine the head. At which point the severed head smiles and laughs at him. (Is it just me, or does this sound like a scene from Evil Dead 2? Sam Raimi is a dirty thief. First the blood geyser, now this. At least the head didn’t threaten to swallow the ninja’s soul or anything). The ninja, understandably, freaks out. Unfortunately, he doesn’t even have enough time to wet himself before Ikazuki’s headless body ties him to a tree for interrogation. The ninja, as any good ninja would do, chews up his tongue to avoid giving away his secrets. I probably would’ve gone a different route, but hey, to each his own. The ninjas dealt with, Ikazuki’s head floats back to his body and, after some quick readjustments, (he initially puts it on backwards…D’oh) everything is back to normal (Yeah, normal…).

"I’ll swallow your soul!!! I’ll swallow your soul!!! I’ll swallow..."

Just when we think things have calmed down, Ikazuki grabs a throwing star and wings it a someone hiding behind a tree. The person takes off and the chase begins. Ikazuki does another Superman dive and tackles this individual from behind, which causes them both to roll downhill. When they come to a stop Ikazuki realizes it was a woman that he was chasing. He knows this because his hand landed in a, shall we say, fortunate location on her body (well that’s the breast thing that could’ve happened to him. HA! Alright, last pun, I swear). She explains that she was afraid that he would kill her, and that is why she hid. He apologizes for attacking her and asks her what she is doing out so far. She says that her name is Sunata and that she has been searching for her long lost father, and she heard a rumor that he used to live out here. Ikazuki says that he doesn’t know of him but that his master might know, since he has lived around there for so long.

Okay, let’s recap shall we? We’re less than 15min into this bad boy, and we’ve had 2 ninja attacks, an assassination, a giant monster battle, a disembodied talking head, 2 Superman leaps, 5 of my horrible puns, a geyser of blood, and a chase scene. Whew, this might be the best movie ever! Believe it or not, it gets even better.

In the meantime, Master is meditating at the dojo when a snake slithers in to the room. The snake then transforms into a man. It seems it is Master’s old student, Oraki-maru. He says he is here to see how the master is doing and to apologize for his long absence. Master knows that he is here because of Ikazuki and refuses to listen to him. Master says that years ago he sent an eagle to save the boy, and that it slashed a dragon on the face. The scar is still on Oroki-maru’s forehead. This infuriate Oroki-maru, and he attacks master but is quickly subdued. In defeat, Oraki offers Master the secret scroll he stole long ago. Master, cautiously accepts the scroll, only to have it coil around his arm, transform into a snake, and bite him. With Master poisoned, Oraki stabs him (overkill?) but Master manages to hit Oraki with a throwing knife. Wounded, Oroki-maru takes off, leaving Master to die. A few moments later Ikazuki arrives with Sunata and they discover the master lying on the floor. Master explains that he is powerless to stop the poison inside him. Master tells Ikazuki that Yuki-daijo along with Oroki-maru, killed his parents to seize power in the province. He tells him to avenge his father’s death and retake the throne from Yuki. He says that Oroki-maru won’t rest until Ikazuki is dead. At that point, Master recognizes Sunata but dies before he can utter anything more than her name (I hate it when that happens).

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen

With Master dead, Ikazuki vows that he will avenge his death and reclaim the throne. Sunata and Ikazuki part ways to embark on their separate quests. After Ikazuki leaves, Sunata is met by her grandmother, who was coming to see the master. She is saddened to hear of the master’s fate and she pleads with Sunata to abandon her quest and return home. She says that she won’t find happiness with her father, but she knows that Sunata will never stop looking for him. Granny offers information about where she last heard that her father had gone. Before Sunata leaves she gives her a spider hairpin. She claims that if Sunata calls on it once, it will protect her, but call on it twice, and it will turn and destroy her (Gee, thanks Granny). With that said, Granny disappears into the ground. Either she’s a magician like Master, or she stepped into some wicked quicksand.

Back at the castle, Oroki-maru informs Yuki-daijo that the prince has survived that assassination attempt. Yuki-daijo wants to send more men after the boy, but Oroki-maru is sure that the boy will come to them, seeking revenge.

We now come across a family pushing a cart full of groceries. As they are walking, the father’s strap breaks and the cart rolls down the hill at their son. Luckily, Ikazuki-maru was passing by and is able to stop the cart before it would’ve crushed the boy. He then uses his superhuman strength to fix the cart and helps them to town. Unfortunately, soldiers are at the town gates waiting for Ikazuki-maru. It seems that a guard spotted him saving the boy. Ikazuki-maru pretends that he is someone else, but the guards don’t buy it. The father decides to save them all by beating the bejesus outta Ikazuki-maru (seems like a decent plan, right?) to fool the guards into thinking that the boy is his future son-in-law. The guards, not believing that an old man could beat up Ikazuki, buy it and tell them to move along.

As Ikazuki-maru moseys on down the road, he sees Yuki-Daijo and gang on horseback heading for the city. They enter the city and apprehend the family for questioning. Yuki-daijo claims that the father is a traitor and helped Ikazuki-maru to escape. The old man denies that it was Ikazuki, but Yuki Daijo kills him anyway. Before he can execute the rest of the family, the ghost of Ogata (The assassinated ruler, and the father of Ikazuki) appears. He tells Yuki that his death will soon be avenged. Yuki Daijo orders his men to attack the apparition but it disappears before they reach it and Ikazuki is spotted on a rooftop laughing. He tells Yuki Daijo that he knows that he murdered his lord and then stole his throne. Ikazuki-maru says that he intends to pay him back. When Yuki’s men attack, Ikazuki captures them with a pretty floating gold ring, uh, thingy (Just look at the screenshot). Ikazuki then grabs Yuki with "The Force" or something and strikes his men with a bolt of lightning. Just then, Oraki-maru appears and challenges Ikazuki. Ikazuki tosses a throwing knife at Oraki, but he teleports out of the way and one of Yuki’s men is struck in the throat (In best British accent; "Sor-ry!"). The fight continues as the two men hop and float about the city trying to kill one another. This continues until Ikazuki grabs the old man’s children and buggers off. Unfortunately he loses the girl in his escape, and she falls into the hands of Oraki-maru. Oh well. Can’t win ’em all, I suppose.

See? Giant gold ring thingy. And you thought I was crazy.

The next few scenes show men spreading the word of Ikazuki’s return. We come to find that these men were sent by Oraki-maru. These men come across a woman they think has been eavesdropping on them. It’s our old friend Sunata. They proceed to grill her about what she heard. Before they kill her, they get a few ideas about what they could do to her instead. Just then a man, Momobe, shows up and tells the men that Oraki-maru wants to see them at the castle immediately. He says that he will deal with the girl (tee-hee. You dog). The men leave and Momobe says that he will meet them later. Sunata says that she is on a journey and Momobe offers to join her for a while on her quest.

Back at the castle, Oraki’s henchmen report that they have spread the rumor of Ikazuki’s return. Oraki tells the men of his true purpose of spreading the rumor. Since only a few people know what Ikazuki really looks like, he intends to take Ikazuki-maru’s identity and take power for himself when the peasants revolt against the current ruler (a reasonably competent plan, actually). Before he can successfully take the throne however, the real Ikazuki-maru must be killed (Yeah, don’t want the real Ikazuki showing up at a family reunion or anything. That would be a little awkward).

While Oraki is planning Ikazuki’s death, Ikazuki is with the little boy (Goshirota) from the village. When the boy asks about his sister, Ikazuki tells him that Yuki escaped to castle with her. This sends Goshirota into a rage and he declares that he will kill that murderous dog, Yuki Daijo. Ikazuki tells the boy that he is only a child, and that he will rescue his sister and take care of Yuki for him.

We rejoin Sunata and Momobe on the road. Sunata tells Momobe that she is looking for her father and someone else as well. “Oh a sweetheart,” Momobe teases her. She says that he must be joking and laughs him off. As they walk out of frame, we see Ikazuki and Goshirota across the river. The boy is enjoying some food. He realizes that he and his family had breakfast together just that same morning. He says that he is all alone now and Yuki is responsible for it. He then takes his anger out on his food (It’s genuinely amusing to see him bite in to his food with an infuriated growl). Ikazuki and the boy then get in a boat and head for the castle. As they are floating along a ninja pops out of the water and grabs Goshirota. When Ikazuki goes to save him, more ninjas come out of the water and attack him. Needless to say, they are quickly disposed of and Ikazuki begins to search for Goshirota.

Oraki-maru is 43, single, and his turn-ons include overly complex, duplicitous schemes to gain power. Call 123-4567 if you are interested in meeting Oraki.

Now, I don’t know if Ikazuki is easily distracted, or just a lecherous pervert, but when he comes across Sunata he immediately forgets his search (even though the boy is out cold on the ground right in front of him) and focuses on Sunata (not that I can blame him). It’s rather amusing. One second he’s frantically searching for the boy and then he sees Sunata and he immediately glazes over and stares at her with a big goofy smile on his face.

So the four of them travel together towards the castle. Ikazuki tells them that he should go alone. It will be too dangerous for them to stay with him. Just then they realize that the boy is running a high fever. They quickly take him to a village and get him some help. Momobe leaves to get a doctor. Sunata, on the other hand, goes to get some water and is captured. Ikazuki hears the struggle and prepares for a battle. I don’t think that he was prepared for the battle he got, however. After he knocks down all the doors surrounding the room with throwing knives(?!?) they get back up and start spinning around him (Didn’t expect that, did ya?). Eventually he gets dizzy and the doors take advantage of the situation (Did I just write that?) and attack him. He manages to avoid them for a short time but eventually they encircle and trap him. With Ikazuki trapped, ninjas come out of they doors and move in for the kill. As they stab through the doors Ikazuki chucks two throwing knives at their necks and drops both of them. With Ikazuki distracted by the ninjas, the kidnapper escapes with Sunata, but not before Momobe spots him.

Back at the castle, Momobe (who followed the man that kidnapped Sunata) informs Oraki that Sunata is his daughter. Sunata shows Oraki a cloth that her mother wore to see if he is really her father. She goes on to explain that her mother has died and that she wanted to find him. She informs him that Ikazuki helped her get this far. Oraki orders his daughter to kill Ikazuki, she refuses, but he insists that if she is a good daughter that she will do it (seems reasonable). He gives her some poison to make the job easier.

Sunata and Momobe return to Ikazuki and the boy. A few moments into their conversation, Ikazuki passes out, but Sunata didn’t poison him, it was Momobe. He tells Sunata that she must obey her father’s wishes. Reluctantly, she pulls out a dagger and holds it above Ikazuki. As she is about to thrust it in, Goshirota utters Ikazuki’s name and Sunata is unable to bring herself to kill him. Momobe decides that he will do it for her. As he is about to stab Ikazuki, he turns and stabs a ninja that was spying on them. He tells Sunata that Ikazuki’s father was killed by her father and that . Ikazuki awakens, and says that he knows now what he must do. Sunata believes that she knows a way to help him.

Back at the castle, Momobe informs Oraki that he has Ikazuki, and that he left the girl to guard him. Of course, he is lying. Oraki decides to go and kill Ikazuki himself. When they reach the cabin, they find that Sunata is all alone. She says that Ikazuki attacked her and escaped, but before she can say where he has gone the ninja who was stabbed earlier bursts out and tells Oraki that his daughter has betrayed him, and that Ikazuki has gone to the castle. Infuriated, Oraki kills Momobe.

As you can plainly see, nothing is sexier than synchronized tambourine dancing.

Back at the castle, Yuji-Daijo is having a party, celebrating Ikazuki’s supposed death. “Yuki-Daijo is happy!,” he exclaims. He no more than finishes that sentence, when a giant frog attacks the castle…That’s right, a giant frog…Oh yeah, and it has five pointy tail feathers, as well…Have I mentioned that this movie is odd…well, it is. Yuki tries to escape as the frog continues it’s reign of destruction. But don’t fear for Yuki, look...

♫♫ Here I come to save day!!! ♫♫

See? Everything will be fine. Oraki is flying in to save the day, not unlike Mighty Mouse, I must say.

As Oraki speeds toward the castle, our giant froggy friend continues to tear up the joint. As Yuki is making his escape, Ikazuki steps in front of him and slays his guards. Yuki begs for his life, but Ikazuki tells him to draw his sword. He does and Ikazuki quickly dispose of him.

Just when you think that all is well, Oraki shows up and thanks Ikazuki for helping him in his plans. Yuki was the only man standing between him and the throne. With that, Oraki transforms into a dragon and Ikazuki morphs into the frog and they begin to battle it out. The two toss each other all over the place, and basically destroy the castle. I unfortunately have to point out that at many times during the battle, it appears that the frog is trying to, um, shall we say, get a little friendly with the dragon. Eventually, the dragon (Oraki) defeats the frog (Ikazuki) and Oraki taunts Ikazuki that he will never defeat him.

I bet you didn’t know that giant frogs could breathe fire…I bet you didn’t even know that there were giant frogs.

When all seems lost, Sunata pulls out the spider hairpin that her grandmother gave her (remember that?) and tosses it into the air, and can you guess what happens next? Hmm? If you said that it explodes and transforms into a giant flying spider which then flies over to a nearby building and sprays white goo out of it’s backside until the dragon explodes, then you would be correct. You would also have to be insane to be able to predict anything in this movie.

Can you guess what this is? If your guess was a giant flying spider shooting white gunk out of it’s ass, give yourself a cookie…and get yourself to the nearest psych ward.

Anyway, the spider does, uh…that, and the two warriors transform back into their human forms. They charge at one another in the climactic showdown, and after an odd battle, where they run around the beach more than they attack. Oraki pulls up short and falls into the ocean, where he fizzes up like an Alka-Seltzer tablet (because this movie wasn’t weird enough, I suppose). With his foe defeated, Ikazuki renounces the thrown, and tells Goshirota and Osaki (who escaped in the castle battle) that they are the true lords of this land. Goshirota wants to go with Ikazuki and Sunata back to their land, but before he can protest, the eagle returns and Ikazuki and Sunata hop on and fly off into the sunset. The End…and what a ride it was.

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Conclusion

Obviously, this one was weird…really weird. But, despite it’s wackiness (or, perhaps more accurately, because of it) and tired old revenge plot, it is really entertaining and easily held my attention the entire way through. It wasn’t a chore to watch it numerous times while writing this review, unlike some other movies (The Incredible Petrified World). Yes, the dubbing is bad (although better than most), and you can see the strings on many “effects,” but you will never find yourself bored while watching The Magic Serpent, and that’s more than I can say about most movies with 100x the budget and amazing special effects. Then again, maybe I’m just a little off…

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What’s in a name?…

Hopefully not much. The dubbing for this movie uses multiple names for every single character. Now I can handle it when they dropped the “-Chan” and “-San” from people’s names, as they are “honorary tags” in Japanese and aren’t really necessary in English. I do have a problem with the seemingly infinite number of pronunciations of the same name.

Here are just a few that I managed to catch:

Araki, Oroki, Oki, Oraka, Araka
Ikazuki, Igazugi, Ikasuki
Sunata, Sunate, Sonata, Sonate
Osaki, Osagi, Osaka
Momobe, Mamabe
Goshirota, Gojirota, etc.

So, if you caught a few different spellings for the same name in my review, you’ll understand why.

Reviewed by Derek Miller
Posted 4/24/05